Blood

I gave blood today and it was awful. I mean I feel good about it but it hurt and I almost passed out. I don't think I will ever do it again. I still have a headache.
Patrick called me this morning. That madee smile. I miss him a bunch.

So much for getting excited.

Delaware plans are gone:(
No one wants to hire me for just two months during the summer. Summer classes interfere with it. And Jenny will be having her baby sometime around the end of summer and I have to be here for that. I will be stuck in Caldwell County for another year. I have a swollen gum, and it really hurts. I put some numbing stuff on it, but it still hurts. It has been hurting ever since I ate that heath bar. I piece of it cut my gum and now it is swollen and painful.
Prom is tomorrow. Man, I really miss Patrick. I wish he could be here to get all dressed up and cute with me. I don't even really care about prom, at all. I just want to get dressed up. This really sucks a lot. I hate him being so far away and that he has to miss everything.

MOVING!!!

So, no one else knows this yet. I'm trying to keep it on the down low for a little, because I am not 100% sure that I am doing it yet. But I am probably moving to Delaware for the summer. My grandparents live there, so FREE place to stay, FREE food... sounds like a dang good plan to me. I already have two possible jobs there. One at Coldwater Creek, the crazy expensive older women's clothing outlet. My grandma worked there for a few years before she retired. So she hooked me up. She also knows the manager of the Wilson's leather outlet and is going to get me an application. I am pretty excited about this, even though I know NO ONE. So I will be doing a lot of working, laying on the beach reading books, fishing, and sleeping on the boat:) Hopefully I will meet some people up there so that I can go out and not be alone. Haha. I also found an awesome contemporary church up there. Ahhhh, I cannot wait! I need something to keep me busy this summer since Patrick will still be gone and I won't have school. I am going to take two online classes though. Just so I can get ahead before fall semester.
I♥SUMMER

I AM DONE!

With my paper, that is. FINALY!
Now I'm going to the rest of my boring classes, and then I have to take my dress to get it hemmed. At least I have a Red Bull:) Goodbye.

Ahhh cramps, I hate you.

I had a bad day. Really. I woke up at 6am and had to pee like a mad woman. So I went upstairs to pee. Got back in bed and fell asleep rather quickly. I woke up later around 10 am and ate breakfast. Sat around while I was supposed to be cleaning and finally got around to cleaning my room long after I woke up. I got my period and then the cramps came on. I ignored them and kept cleaning. After a while my mom told me that Oswaldo and Norma (Jenny's, my best friend's, parents) were hungry. So we decided to go out to eat at Sagebrush. I drove myself and met her parents, my mom, and Jody there. We got hot wings and then they brought us a complimentary dessert. I was craving chocolate so bad and the dessert just happened to be the brownie sundae thing they have. I had a few bites of it and left the 6 or 7 wings I had left on my plate. I started feeling sick and I went to the bathroom. After hanging over the toilet for nothing, I went back to the table and sat down. I felt awful again and told my mom I was leaving. She said I looked bad and I left. I got to my truck and sat down. I got the feeling that I was going to throw up so I opened the door and leaned out. I finally decided to get out and I threw up in the parking lot. I called my mom, who was still inside, and told her. They all came out and made sure I was okay to drive home. I finally got back to the house and I have been lounging around watching tv and thinking about stuff. I feel very emotional. I am mad that I threw up, it really makes me angry. I'm not sure why. I really miss Patrick. I just want him home, now. I want him here with me. I want him to be laying here with me, with his arms around me, making me feel better. I miss him more than anything and I hate not being near him. I miss having someone to talk to about every little stupid thing that pops into my head. I don't want anyone else to tell those things to either. I don't like telling other people every thing that I think about. That is why I email him constantly, just to tell him something that happened to me, or something stupid that I just want to rant about, or just because I'm lonely. I do have a few, and I mean very few, friends to talk to about stuff. But I don't like telling people how I feel. That is why I blog, because I have to get this stuff out somehow. Patrick is the only person that I can really tell everything to because most of the time, especially on the phone, I know he isn't paying attention to half of the things I say. I really wish I could just sleep away the time until he comes back. Which is like forever. I can't sleep at all. I feel awful. I want to die right now, my cramps are so bad.

No no no

I am just amazed at how shiny and sparkly my ring looks today. It caught my eye and now I am just moving my hand side to side watching it shimmer in the light. It's funny how little things amuse me. Anyway, the conference yesterday was awful, and I should not have even been in there consider my lack of care about it. It just made me mad, I would have preferred chewing on nails than sitting in there. Patrick also called my yesterday. I was really happy. I'm happy every time he calls me. The only thing that didn't make me happy is that he said he might have to go back over there a month after he comes home. I don't like that and I really didn't want to hear it. I guess its better for me to know that there is a possibility then not know and be more upset than I have to be later. I really hope he doesn't have to. I will be pretty devastated. We have been together for about 9 months now:) and have only gotten to see each other during 6 of those 9 months. And we won't get to see each other for another 4 or 5 months.
I don't really know what else to say. I am kind of depressed now.
I guess I should start on the all day job of cleaning my room.

oh.

My shoulder hurts a lot right now, I have no idea why. I also think that my left boob is bigger than the right one. I am upset about this. I have to go to this stupid conference thing tomorrow about all this drama. Honestly, I don't care about it. Just leave me alone and I could care less what you do with your life. I don't even want to talk to anyone right now. My shoulder hurts and I am sleepy. I will probably not say much, because, well, there is nothing to say. I will be too sleepy to say anything anyway. So I will just make it go by quicker and pretend I'm listening. I just want another phone call from Patrick, that is the only thing I want. I hear my blankets calling my name, so goodnight and sweet dreams.

Grow up

For real. I am not talking about anyone or even looking at anyone the wrong way ever. Seriously. You can't do anything without people running their mouths and keeping crap going. Stop talking about it already and maybe it will go away? I don't care what anyone has to say. But if you do say it to me, you will get a reply. So don't get mad about it. After I tell you what I think, I'm done with it. I might still complain, but geez, who wouldn't when someone told you that you were a fatass? Get over it.
I am really not the mood to do anything or talk to anyone right now. This stupid english paper is a pain in the butt. A huge pain. I needed a break though. My hand hurts from writing on these stupid little notecards. I think its because of how hard I grip pens when I write. Its like a death grip lol. I really need to run today, so I might go get on the treadmill while I am taking a break. Idk yet. I am really sleepy though. I have a conference with Mrs. Rash in the morning to talk about my paper. Ugh.
Patrick didn't get to call me today :( I miss him a lot. That is the only thing I really care about being worried with right now. Not stupid petty drama.
Tomorrow is already not going to be a good day, I can tell. Mostly because I am not going to get much sleep and I am going to be cranky. So I will probably not talk to much anyone tomorrow.
Anyway, I guess I had better get back to my notecards...

(no title)

I couldn't think of a title for this. Last week I got told I had a big butt by Alesha.. Actually this is the text message I got, "I hope your dress is big, just like your ass:) haha"  
Obviously she is insecure about something on her body, or she is just that conceited and thinks she is God's gift to earth, because she had to point out what she thought was one of my flaws. But I'm glad I have a big butt. Girls are so mean.
I talked to Patrick today. That made me happy. Then the zipper on my prom dress broke and that pissed me off. So I have to go get it fixed tomorrow. Ugh. I have to go to work tonight too, which won't be that bad. I would rather just sleep though.

sniffly sneezy:(

That describes me right now. My nose is running, soon it will probably run right off of my face. I am excited for mine and Emilee's trip to Delaware this week. Patrick called me this afternoon. I am upset with him, very much. He is smoking. I don't like that at all. I told Caitlin about it and she told me I should yell at him, because that is nasty. I really wish he wouldn't do that. It is so bad for you, and nasty. It stinks, and I am not ever kissing him again if he doesn't quit. Well I probably will, but still. That is definitely turning me off. Shew. I really do miss him though, like crazy. I don't even know how much longer we have apart. I am too lazy to count, but it is way too long and I don't like it one bit. It feels like he has been gone longer than he really has, which sucks. I wish time would just hurry up and go by. But at least we got to talk to today. So I am happy.
Goodnight.

I think I am sick

I feel miserable, or at least my body does anyway.
That is all for now, I think... Goodnight.

wake me up

I am so tired. My eyes are closing. I'm trying to listen to some music to wake me up, but it isn't working yet. I talked to Patrick yesterday. They were gone for a few days so we didn't get to talk before that. I found this old ring with little diamonds in it in my jewelry box, its gold, but still cute. So I am wearing. I think it was my great nana's. But I'm not sure. I have on a white jacket today, and I forgot that I got chocolate on it at work last night. I didn't sleep well last night either. I rolled around all night and Maddie kept whining, which didn't help at all. I haven't had a good night of sleep in a while. I'm not sure why, maybe I need a sleeping pill or something. Geez.

My morning groove:

Bust a Move

MC Hammer