So, Patrick and I talked about my possible moving to where he is. We decided that we cannot afford it, and that I will not move down there until we get married. And that is only like, a million years away. That made my outlook on the next few years look kind of cloudy and unappealing.
I really don't even want to go to school. I have two semesters left until I have my two year degree. Of course that isn't good enough, because everyone knows you can't do anything with that. So if I want to do anything successful I will be stuck in school for 4 more years. In my opinion, that is stupid and I just flat out don't want to do it. I'm not motivated.
I feel lonely again. Now that Patrick is gone. After cuddling and being together for pretty much 5 days straight, it sucks when he has to leave. He won't be back until Christmas, and I won't get to go down there before then. I don't feel confident about getting a good night's sleep tonight.
Well, I'm procrastinating... I have a 5 page paper to work on.
Good night.

Back

I have not blogged in such a long time. I feel like I need to start again, to let some of that stuff hidden deep down inside of me out. I don't really have much to complain about today. Technically nothing went wrong to make my day bad. I'm just lonely. Really lonely. Sometimes I feel perfectly okay, but the past few days have been miserable. I hate being alone. I know that I'm not really alone. I live in a house with 4 other people, I go to school and talk to people. Its not the same though. I really hate that Patrick is never here. It sucks that if I want to see him I either have to drive 5 hours there or he has to drive 5 hours here.
I had such a good weekend with him. Going to Boone, him cooking me dinner, being together pretty much every second of the weekend. Then he has to leave, and I have to wait two weeks to see him again. It really sucks that this is how our entire relationship has been. We spend more time apart than together. I don't mean this like I don't think it's worth it. I just don't think it's fair. I know life is not fair, but I don't really care. I really do love Patrick with all my heart. It's just hard. It's hard missing him all the time and not getting to see him.
While I'm on the subject of loneliness, I do not believe that loneliness is a good excuse for cheating on someone. I could go a year without seeing Patrick(crossing my fingers that this never happens) and I don't think I could look at someone else the same way as I do him. So anyone that says that is full of crap.
Okay, I'm done ranting. Goodnight.