screw you

Seriously, I wish people would quit pitying themselves all the time. I pity myself sometimes on here, but hey, its MY blog. If people don't want to read it they don't have to. I write it to get my feelings out for myself. But I don't walk around making everyone feel sorry for me all the time. That makes you look desperate for attention. Grow up and get a life. No one cares about your sob stories. You are not the only people in the world that have problems, other people just don't want everyone to know their life story like you.

Today has just been a crappy day. Everything about it. I woke up with a headache. I felt awful all day and I had to work. I just want to crawl under a rock and stay there for a while. I actually enjoy not having many friends anymore. I like not having to put up with everyone's crap all the time. I like not caring if people get pissed off at me or don't like me.
I miss Patrick a lot. I cried today. I am probably going to cry again. I haven't heard from him in a few days. I don't like it at all.
Basically, I'm trying to say just screw my life today. That is all I have to say.

Ice

Today was alright. Working out sucked worse than ever. I was so sore, and my knee is swollen. So I am laying in bed with an ice pack on it. I am wondering what Patrick is doing. I miss him. No phone calls today. I was kind of upset about that earlier, but there isn't really anything to be upset about. He can't help it that he can't call, and I don't need to get upset about it. I guess I just need to write more letters...
I am in pain. My entire body is in pain. My butt, legs, knee, thighs, shoulders, back, arms...EVERYTHING, basically. I took a Motrin. So I feel better now. But I am just really sore. I have muscles though!
I can't even blog without constantly thinking about Patrick. This really sucks. I wish I could just not worry or feel lonely. I wish the part of me that is so wrapped up in him would pause itself while the rest of my gets things done until he comes back.

I was right

Today was a good day. For the most part. Besides working out. But who actually enjoys it anyway? After my call from Patrick, which just made my entire day better, I went to lab. It was boring, I didn't do anything at all. Then I went to psychology and played this block game on my iPod. I had english after that and just wrote notes to Emilee the entire time. Then I came home and ate lunch, went back to school and talked to Mrs. Williams about money stuff and then ended up sitting in her office having a 40 minute conversation with her about classes and working out, racquet ball, Patrick, and cruises to the Caribbean. It was nice. I waited for Emilee and we went to the gym. Today we worked on back and shoulders, and I'm not even gonna lie, it was hard. I thought I was going to just fall over. I got on the treadmill and jogged/walked 2.8 miles, it took like 45 minutes and I definitely broke a sweat. Like 200 sweats. I felt good, besides my left shin feeling like it snapped in half and was on fire. After the gym I came home and got a shower, then I went to the West basketball game with Emilee.
Oh, I also think my mom tried to kill me. She made this turkey chili, and it was AWFUL. It looked like dog food. Hahahaha. Well I ate it, and I was running for the bathroom as soon as I got home from the game. I'm pretty sure I lost about 5 pounds then. Which I guess is good. Maybe I should eat some more of it.

I am happy today

I talked to Patrick last night before I went to bed AND he called me this morning while I was driving back to school from the gas station. I miss him. But I feel much better talking to him. I think today might be a good day.

this goes along with my last post

I got home from church and found this quote on a friend's Facebook status:

"Just because her eyes don't tear, doesn't mean her heart don't cry. And just because she comes off strong, doesn't mean there's nothing wrong."

I was amazed at how perfect this was for what I was writing about last night.

eight missed calls

This morning, I woke up to eight missed calls. All from Patrick. He called me twice around 2:30 am and six times between 6:45 am and 6:55 am. I didn't wake up until 10:30 or 11? I listened to all of his voice mails, and have continued to listen to them just to hear him. That sounds kind of pathetic, but I miss him and hearing him makes me feel better. I feel a little more at ease now. I worry all the time. I don't usually act like it, I sometimes feel like people think I don't care that he is gone because I don't act sad or anything. I kind of get that impression when I talk to some people too, by the way they look at me or the little remarks that hint at my being overly happy while my boyfriend is in Afghanistan. I am not going to walk around acting depressed and sad, and talking about it all the time. I am worried about him, it scares me a lot. I am extremely sad that he isn't here and that we don't get to talk or see each other. That doesn't mean that I don't miss my boyfriend, or that I am an awful girlfriend. These people don't understand what I have to go through. I feel like some of them expect me to go around and announce that Patrick is gone and that I shouldn't be as happy as I am all the time. Like they want to know how I can be happy when he isn't here. Just because Patrick left doesn't mean the world stops turning. I still have to deal with the rest of my life until he comes back. I feel like I am just ranting and everyone is going to think I am completely stupid for posting this. I don't really care though.
I just want to disappear for a little while. I wish it were that easy to get away from everyone.

I'm so... Happy?

This is the happiest I have been since Patrick left. I have a new love:) It is beautiful and perfect for me. It makes me so happy, and I'm excited. It's like a new adventure. And no I am not talking about a boy, haha.. I'm talking about my new truck:) It is amazing, and I absolutely love it. I am so broke, I spent 8,500 dollars on it. Well I spent 7,500. Mom and Jody paid for the rest, which I am very thankful for. It was my early graduation present. I literally took dollar bills from my tip money that I had in a jar to be able to buy it. Haha. How awful is that? Now I am very broke, hopefully my dad will send some child support soon so I can have some gas money until I get another pay check.
I have been out driving my truck around, I need a cute name for it. Any suggestions? Something girly. I was thinking Adelaid... cute?

Anyway, I miss Patrick more than anything and I wish he were here to share my excitement. Even though he is NOT driving my new baby. Because he will wreck her. So he can forget that.

This week has been pretty good. Haven't done too much, just hitting the gym, going to school and working. I watched the UNC and Duke game with Emilee the other night. We got pizza and talked and watched Duke win, of course:) Patrick hasn't emailed me in a few days. So I wrote him a letter, I just have to send it. His cousin might buy my car, and I can hopefully find a good deal on a Jeep or something awesome. I'm pretty excited about it. This blog has no point, Goodnight.

Long time gone

I'm pretty much in love with the Dixie Chicks. I feel like I haven't blogged in forever, even though I'm pretty sure it was only a few days ago. I'm just sitting in my lab, blogging away before I have to go be office assistant for 50 minutes. I am so sleepy, and I miss Patrick. I think I have said that in every blog I have posted since he left. Oh, and let me tell you what happened to me yesterday. I wrote a paper for my Business class that was due last night. I had about 3 pages, and I saved it and it disappeared. So I had to rewrite it.
Everyday I put hairspray in my hair, and everytime I do it gets all over my ring and makes the diamond look dull and not sparkly. I learned that you can spray it with Windex, the eco friendly kind made from plants:), and rinse it with hot water. And BAM, its shiny and sparkly and gorgeous once again.
I'm amazing. Or my mom is, since she told me that.

And now it is time to go be office assistant. Have a good day!

Feeling Good

This work out thing is pretty great. I feel amazing. Well, actually I am sore as hell. But in a good way. I know that I am getting in shape because of this pain. I have been eating pretty healthy too. I am excited to be in shape. I haven't been doing much else besides school, working out, and working at TCBY. I am glad to be getting more hours at work too. More money I have to save for the cruise. I am trying to keep myself busy, because I am starting to miss Patrick more and more. It kills me to not be able to talk to him when I want to. He told me not to get fat while he is gone, because girls usually eat their feelings.. haha. So I am doing the opposite. I really can't wait for him to come home.

I just want to punch everyone in the face

I don't have class until 10, but somehow I know I will still not be ready on time. I didn't read this stupid book we have a quiz on. It's really pissing me off. I just want to punch someone, or something I guess. I had a dream last night that I was at this church with Cody.. It was weird. Then we got in his car and we were driving and somehow it turned into my car. And Maddie, my dog, was running next to the car because he wouldn't let her get in the car. I looked towards the back of my car and there was a beehive in my back window. He slammed on the brakes and the beehive came flying forward and I couldn't get the door open to get it out. I finally got it out of the car, after being stung by a bee. Then I saw another bee and I hit it. I woke up right after that. That was an awkward dream.

That is why

I can not wait to graduate, and be away from high school bulls***. I can't wait to go off to college and meet new people. I'm not even included in this bs that I'm talking about, but just seeing it is annoying. I'm pretty sure I don't like the word "best friend" either, because that too is a load of crap. I don't know what it is, but I just have a resentment towards being best friends with anyone. I have close friends, but I just can't have that one best friend again. I had her.. a while ago, but I don't know what happened to her.. :/

and all I freaking want is one email from Patrick.

New Blog!

I've been writing this blog for Patrick since he has been gone and I am pretty excited about it.
:)

war movies

I have been feeling a little lonely the past few days. I haven't talked to Patrick in 2 days or something. I miss him. Madeline, my new dog, is keeping me company though. She sleepes in bed with me all night. I love her.
It has only been a week and I wish Patrick were here already. I don't want him to be gone for so long.
On a positive note, Madeline does not have heartworms. Which I am very happy about. I think I am going to try to pay attention to this stupid movie. Way of War, or whatever it is  called. I don't know what is going on. It is slow and boring, and stupid.
This is the second stupid war movie we have watched. We watched The Hurt Locker last night. I fell asleep after the exciting stuff happened. It had a bad ending.