eight missed calls

This morning, I woke up to eight missed calls. All from Patrick. He called me twice around 2:30 am and six times between 6:45 am and 6:55 am. I didn't wake up until 10:30 or 11? I listened to all of his voice mails, and have continued to listen to them just to hear him. That sounds kind of pathetic, but I miss him and hearing him makes me feel better. I feel a little more at ease now. I worry all the time. I don't usually act like it, I sometimes feel like people think I don't care that he is gone because I don't act sad or anything. I kind of get that impression when I talk to some people too, by the way they look at me or the little remarks that hint at my being overly happy while my boyfriend is in Afghanistan. I am not going to walk around acting depressed and sad, and talking about it all the time. I am worried about him, it scares me a lot. I am extremely sad that he isn't here and that we don't get to talk or see each other. That doesn't mean that I don't miss my boyfriend, or that I am an awful girlfriend. These people don't understand what I have to go through. I feel like some of them expect me to go around and announce that Patrick is gone and that I shouldn't be as happy as I am all the time. Like they want to know how I can be happy when he isn't here. Just because Patrick left doesn't mean the world stops turning. I still have to deal with the rest of my life until he comes back. I feel like I am just ranting and everyone is going to think I am completely stupid for posting this. I don't really care though.
I just want to disappear for a little while. I wish it were that easy to get away from everyone.