Another Monday Morning

It's been a while since I last posted. I'm currently in Delaware, and I survived a 10 hour drive with Austin. We have gone fishing for the past 3 days I guess. But I get pissed because I never catch anything, so I layed on the front of the boat and got in some sleep and tanning. Austin and I went out at night, shopping and go kart racing, and last night we went to the movies. We watched Transformers. It was a really great movie, but it was SO incredibly long.
I'm waiting on another email from Patrick. I miss him a lot. Only 5 more days until I get to see him. I can not wait for friday to get here.
As for Jenny, I haven't heard from her in about a week. I'm not sure why. She just won't talk to me, again. It's weird, and it is starting to get annoying.
Well, I'm getting hungry now. It's breakfast time. Ta ta.

Things are looking up

Today was the best day I've had in a while. I went shopping and to the movies with my mommy. We had fun. She told me funny stories about my dad cheating on her when they were married and she chased this girl (now his wife) through a mud field. We had to buy these stupid cat beds so that the cats don't scratch up the new couch.
I got these really cute dresses at Ross's, and they were really cheap. They are past my knees, but I'm a shorty. One is orange/goldish. and brown, its kind of Boho style I guess you would call it and its strapless. I got some cute shoes to match too. The other dress is either black or navy, its hard to tell. it has a white design on it with floweres and such. I have to wear this weird bra with it, and it makes my boobs look rediculously huge. So I don't think I will be wearing that one when I hang out with any guys.
I can't wait to see Patrick. I am so excited that he is coming home. I just want to give him a huge hug right now. I think I'm going to wear the gold dress when we hang out, if its to see fireworks. I miss him so much. And it really sucks that we can't text anymore, and I have to wait and keep checking my email because I don't know when he can get on.
And it is now 12:20 am. Happy Tuesday. :)

Ahh!

I thought I was doing better, but once again, for the first time in a couple week, I'm sitting here crying. Its not that I miss the relationship. Right now its me trying to figure out how t he could completely shut me out. He looks so much happier now that I apparently don't exist to him anymore. It hurts a lot. I feel like someone is stabbing my heart with a huge dull knife sometimes. I feel like being best friends with someone is a load of crap. Getting so close to someone and knowing everything about them and vice versa. Then all of sudden they are gone. Thats really hard to deal with, especially when its happened more than once. And the person that leaves you knows what you've been through and how much it hurt you, but they have no problem with putting you through it all over again.
The only thing I wish I could change was being a little bit more mature about all of this and making it end better. I wish it wouldn't have been so bad. That makes it hard for me.

On another note, my past few days have been okay. I got an email from Patrick. He said they took his phone and that he was sorry he didn't talk to me at all. He is coming home soon. And I'm going to be here to see him. That makes me a little happier.
Hopfully my week will get better. Me and Austin are leaving for Delaware on Thursday. So I guess that will be fun.
But I believe it is my bed time now. Goodnight.

Pictures

Some pictures of me and my work friends. Our "theme" Saturdays, late night meals at Coffee House, and just messing around.

Cowboy Day

Mandy

Billy.

Frank! :)

Jacob. :)



Wayne

Moving on

I finally think I'm okay. And happy, for the first time in a while. I have two amazing best friends, a good job, great family, a working car(finally), and I'm on my way to being the owner of a truck. I'm getting over Cody, pretty quickly. I like that. I haven't had any stress lately. I feel amazing.
The only thing I really have to complain about is braces. I got them on today and they are absolutely awful. Braces, during my senior year. How freaking great. Haha, but its okay. I got teal rubber band son them. Then me and mommy got our nails done, and I got them to match my braces.
I've been a little sad the past few days because I haven't heard from Patrick at all. I miss him a lot. But its okay. I hope I get to see him though, but I don't know if I'll be back from Delaware for the two days he gets to come home. Which really sucks.

I don't know what to do. I feel a little worthless right now. Cody sounded so mean when he was on the phone with me. He said he didn't hate me, but he sounded hateful. He didn't even sound like he cared at all. Which hurts the most. I talked to him about everything, and now I feel like I have no one.

and I'm left broken hearted.

Not only after breaking up and making a fool out of me, I get this message from Cody today. He was going on about how he loved me, key word "loved", and how he didn't think we could be friends and we should not have any kind of communication for a while. That broke my heart all over again. I cried. I told Patrick, and cried more. He was pissed about it, because I was so upset and crying. He tried to cheer me up and told me not to worry about it. He even told me that I was beautiful, and way too pretty to be crying over some stupid boy, and that I t needed to turn my frown upside down. Haha, thats just like him. But the way he said all of that wasn't in a way that he was trying to make me swoon over him. It was a completely different tone. It made me feel a lot better. He was probably the only reason I was in an okay mood today, besides Wayne and his girl singing. Patrick is without a doubt my very best friend right now. I'm glad I have him to talk to. I get cheered up, and unlike talking to a girl, he tells me when I'm over reacting and when I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and do something about it or get over it.
I need to let it go. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I loved Cody with everything. I still love him. I may not have been the best girlfriend and I know I made a lot of mistakes and said and did things I shouldn't have, but despite all of that I never once stopped loving him. And the fact that it seems like he is trying to completely erase me from his life makes it that much harder. It is really hard to not just start crying. I can't even think about it without tearing up. My best friend and boyfriend of two years is gone like that. How am I supposed to deal with that? I knew this would happen. My dad did it, so why not every other guy too. I am incredibly hurt. I know that it will eventually heal, but that will take a while. My feelings are crushed, and my self esteem and confidence aren't so great right now either. It sucks. It takes everything that I have in me to not cry right now.

what a freakin' week

This is rediculous. I have never had such an awful week. So, me and Cody broke up. For the last time. We were supposed to go on our trip to PA together, but I think tomorrow I'm going to tell him to forget it. Its not gonna do anything to help me move on. I never expected it to come to this. Two years ago I was amazed by every little thing he did. The way he looked at me, laughed, smiled, held my hand, and even the corny way he first kissed me. I was shy, and it took me a little bit to open up. We got closer, shared everything, and fell completely in love. Being together as much as possible(probably mistake numero uno). At the time it made me happy. After a while we started fighting and over stupid stuff. We had some major fights, he blew up at me a few times, I gave it right back, and after a few hours of telling eachother why we were mad and arguing, we were right back to two love struck teenagers. Laying out under the stars after sitting at a fire, kissing, making wishes on shooting stars. Through all of that, I realized there were so many signs that I should have seen or taken. The one thing about our relationship that bothered me the most was his temper. I hated when he yelled and cussed and got so mad. It really hurt me. Towards the end of the relationship, I felt like he started to put everything in front of me. Like I wasn't important anymore. That hurt me a lot.
I feel a lot better now that everything that has settled down. I'm not as upset as I was two days ago.

I'm glad me and Jenny are talking again, I really missed her. And me and Billy are getting to be good friends again. He's really cool. I've been talking to Patrick the past few days. So he has cheered me up some. I finally talked about everything tonight. How I was mad, and hurt, and upset.He's being really awesome about it, and making me feel a lot better. All I need is a best friend right now. He's been a pretty good one the past few days. It feels like it used to when we first started becoming friends. I like that.

I could just cry right now. On top of everything with Cody, my best friend in the world texts me out of the blue to ask if I'm up. She told me some stuff that really upset me. Even though we drifted apart some this year, we have been best friends since 7th grade. I love her more than any other friend I've ever had. I miss her a lot.

wednesdays.

Besides my little spill about whats going on with my love life my day has been pretty boring. I woke up at like 1 and had a text Patrick sent around 11 saying that his phone and laptop died yesterday and that he could talk for an hour or so. Well my day of sleeping late messed that up. I also had a text from Jenny, and I text her back and asked what she was doing. She said school and drama, and it has to do with Juan.. So I'm pondering on what could be wrong with them, again. I'm not really sure, and she didn't text me back yet. I went upstairs and had an english muffin(I love these, they sound so royal and fancy) for my late breakfast. After returning to my room I worked on some Psych class work and listened to my iPod. I got bored and went back upstairs and found some Greek yogurt. It was horribly disgusting and tasted like bad sour cream, so I put some brown sugar in it and it was actually quite good. I played with Brenna some, and came back to my room. My wrist hurts incredibly, so I am going to take a break from the computer now and probably go get a shower.

I love you.

"So breathe in deep. Breathe me in, I'm yours to keep. And hold on to your words, cause talk is cheap, And remember me tonight when you're asleep."

Caldwell County..

So I'm back in NC. We got home around 4 yesterday, but I didnt get to write since I had to be at work at 5.
I got a little darker on friday. We got in the water at the beach and I almost lost my top, then my bottoms. We went to eat at a nasty Chinese place(and I love Chinese food, I was very disappointed), then we got waffle cones at this place called Bruester's. Saturday we slept in and then got lunch and hit the beach again(a different one this time). I got a weird tan line from my bathing suit. We were there all day. Sleeping, tanning, swimming, and talking. We had a lot of fun. I wish I was still there.