Ahh!

I thought I was doing better, but once again, for the first time in a couple week, I'm sitting here crying. Its not that I miss the relationship. Right now its me trying to figure out how t he could completely shut me out. He looks so much happier now that I apparently don't exist to him anymore. It hurts a lot. I feel like someone is stabbing my heart with a huge dull knife sometimes. I feel like being best friends with someone is a load of crap. Getting so close to someone and knowing everything about them and vice versa. Then all of sudden they are gone. Thats really hard to deal with, especially when its happened more than once. And the person that leaves you knows what you've been through and how much it hurt you, but they have no problem with putting you through it all over again.
The only thing I wish I could change was being a little bit more mature about all of this and making it end better. I wish it wouldn't have been so bad. That makes it hard for me.

On another note, my past few days have been okay. I got an email from Patrick. He said they took his phone and that he was sorry he didn't talk to me at all. He is coming home soon. And I'm going to be here to see him. That makes me a little happier.
Hopfully my week will get better. Me and Austin are leaving for Delaware on Thursday. So I guess that will be fun.
But I believe it is my bed time now. Goodnight.