Hello Lonely

I guess you could say I'm feeling really down today. Work was awful last night and we didn't get out until late, and I was already exhausted when I first clocked in. In response to my crazy day I slept in today and skipped 1st period. I went in just in time for 2nd period, thats when I realized I should have just stayed home and slept all day. We went to the library and sat there for the entire class. I sat on the couch and dozed off a little and text Patrick. I was really excited about seeing him this weekend for the first time in 3 weeks. Then he texts me and tells me that he isn't coming home this weekend. I got this really sad feeling, but I tried to play it off like its not a big deal. I mean, its only another week... which makes it a month. But this isn't where all of my sadness came from. It started yesterday while I was in my last class, MAT 172. I told Patrick I can't text in that class and I would text him when I got out. Half way through class my phone vibrated. Being the curious and impatient person I am, I had to look at it. As soon as the teacher turned around I checked my phone and it says "The way its looking im gonna be deploying in like a couple of months" I didn't know what to say back, so I just closed my phone and waited for class to end. I finally sent him a text back and said "oh." What else was I supposed to say? I didn't even know how I felt. I was so blank, I still am.

And all of this sadness just adds to the loneliness I've been feeling. Me and Jenny haven't talked in a while, again. I miss Patrick a whole lot to. I think I really love him. Which is really hard to say and even think about. I didn't even feel like this with Cody. I feel like I would do anything in the world just to see him one more time. I feel everything with him. I'm scared to feel like this. I thought about running away from these feelings, again. Like I've done all year with the feelings about him. But I think I need to stick with these feelings for once. Even when I'm sad, I feel some happiness when I think of him, or when he sends me cute text messages. I really don't want to see him leave, I don't know what I'm going to do.