I miss Patrick a lot. He called me a little bit ago. He said I sounded sad and he wanted to know what was wrong. I can't tell him this stuff. I don't want him to think that I have any kinds of feelings for Cody anymore, because I don't.
Admitting that something is wrong and that I'm truly upset makes me feel weak. The day that I really cried in front of Patrick was really hard for me. It takes a lot for me to cry like that in front of someone and even harder to tell them why I'm upset. Now, I'm not saying that I never cry in front of people. If someone is crying and comes to me and tells me that they are upset, I am probably gonna have a few tears because I hate to see other people cry. Or if I'm watching a really sad movie, I might possibly tear up. But to make myself vulnerable and let someone into something that hurts me enough to make me feel even a little bit of emotional pain scares me more than anything. It makes this situation harder because its not just anything thats bothering me, its an ex boyfriend thing. I know Patrick says I can talk to him about anything, but this.. I feel like I can't. Like I should just keep it bottled up and forget about it for a while. I think thats what made my last relationship go down the drain, and I don't want that. But this is a tough subject to talk to my boyfriend about. I guess I'll figure out what to do sooner or later. If not I guess it will end up biting me in the ass, but I hope I figure it out before then.
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