Love don't live here anymore

"Well this heart of mine

has been hardened like a stone.
It might take some time
to get back what is gone.
But I'm movin' on,
and you don't haunt my dreams.
Like you did before

When I would curse your name"

So Cody is back in town. And I'm about to see him for the first time since prom. :/

I'm nervous and scared. This is gonna be awkward. I don't know if he will try to or even want to talk to me at all. Probably not so idk what to do. I guess I'll just wait for him to talk to me if he wants to. I don't want to look pushy or something. I haven't felt so nerous in a while. I have the bad kind of butterflies in my stomach.

I feel like because I'm dating Patrick I shouldn't have those kinds of feelings. But I think its expected after what happened with us. He was my best friend for two years. That's hard. Sometimes I still tear up a little. I know our relationship was gone, and should have ended earlier, but the bond we had as friends was something that was really hard for me to let go of and what hurt me. This is hard.

Since I feel like this, I feel like I'm not being fair to Patrick. I want to be with him, and I am very happy with him. I just can't help but feel these old feelings though and still feel a little hurt. Maybe it would be best if we didn't speak at all on Sunday, and even better if I don't even look at him. Sometimes I wish I could erase him from my memory and not see things that make me think of things we did together. It's been a little over two months. I have to completely let it go. I can't keep feeling like this.

.. Maybe me and Patrick started things too soon. I wonder what I'd feel like if I was still single? idk.