My boy

is home. :)

He just left my house.

But before I talk about that, let me tell you about yesterday. I was at home, bored and lonely. So I went to Lenoir to meet Jenny, Sandra, Shadow, Caroline, Katelyn, and Jill. We played laser tag at Bo's and had a blast. After sitting in the parking lot forever, we decided what we were going to do. We went by Oswaldo's store so that Jenny could get some money, then we went back to Jenny's house to pick up her sisters. There is supposedly a haunted trail in Rhodehiss, but we drove forever and ever and never found it, well we think we did. But I don't know.

I'm falling asleep. I'll finish this later.

Blank Blog

the blog I posted last night was blank. I wrote for like 10 minutes. and it was blank.

Ben & Jerry's, Rain, and no power.

Basically all day yesterday, I was sick. I felt awful. I left school early. When I got home I put on my sweatpants, got my blanket, and curled up on the couch with Bailey. I started watching Eagle Eye and was interested in it.. until the power went out. So now I'll never know what happens at the end. Well I could always watch it again, but I never have time, and when I do, everyone else is home. It is impossible to watch a movie with the people in my house. They are loud and annoying, and they are usually already controlling the TV. Getting the remote from them is like trying to take a bone from Bailey. Except my family doesn't bite like Bailey does... or at least they haven't bitten me yet.

While I was watching the movie I was eating the pint of Ben & Jerry's ice cream. It was the best ice cream I've ever had. I don't even like chocolate ice cream, but it sounded good. It was chocolate and vanilla swirl with Heath Bar pieces, HUGE chunks of white chocolate, chocolate covered almonds, and peanutbutter cups.

Mom came home, and then I decided to leave to get some food. So I headed out in the rain and went to Lenoir. I stopped to see Aunt Lena and told her I wasn't feeling well and stuff. She took my temperature. It was like 99. 5 or something. So I had a low fever. She gave me some ibuprofen and this thing that you drink. Airborne or something. I got some chinese food on my way home. I ate a little bit of it, but I wasn't really hungry. Now it's sitting in my fridge. But I feel better today. My throat hurts a little, but I don't have a fever. Oh! Patrick called me last night. We talked for a little while, well he talked. I didn't really get much in, but thats okay. I enjoy listening to him talk and complain. Its funny. I really miss him. And he is probably coming home this weekend. :)

Lockerz

I don't understand it?!?!

and my, well Patrick's, hoodie has a hole in it. :( My arm got stuck on a pole when we were walking through the Campground Massacre thing on Friday night, and then my hoodie just ripped. But Mr. iknowhowtodoeverything Patrick can fix it next time he comes home.

I want these sweatpants!

Jake is looking at trash.

And I haven't been able to blog at all. I forgot to get my computer from Clint yesterday and I was sad all night, because that meant no blogging for Ciera.

^^

These are the stupidest things in the world. haha.

I carved my pumpkin last night. Jody came home and made fun of it. The ghost fell off, so I had to put him back on with toothpicks. So when Jody saw it, there was just a big hole there. I put a candle in it and took a picture. Then I talked to Patrick for a little while on Gmail. He told me all about how he got

drunk the other night, and pissed some guy off that tried to beat him up. Which he deserved, because he shouldn't be getting drunk anyway. But whatever. He might be coming home this weekend, which I'm really happy about. If he does come home, I won't have to find anything to do for Halloween. We are going to make hot chocolate, cuddle up, and watch scary movies all night. :)

Anyway, back to my night. I watched heroes with Jody, and asked him about 50 million questions about the show since I haven't watched every episode like he has. He's a freak. So he told me all about it. Then I went to my room. And I fell asleep pretty early. The phone rang, and someone opened my door and then closed it. So I just went back to sleep. Then mom came home from school around 10pm. She's basically deaf, so the volume on the TV went up, and I couldn't sleep anymore. I was upset by this. I got up out of bed and went upstairs with my grumpy face. She asked me why I looked mean and I said, "I can't sleep, all I can hear is the TV." Then she said something about my pumpkin and the jokes came flying out of Jody's mouth. He said that my pumkin was so bad that kids that trick-or-treat at our house will feel sorry for us and give US candy. Then mom talked my sleeping time away, and I didn't get to bed until 12:30. I told her I wouldn't be able to fall asleep, and I was right. 1:30 rolled around and so did I, trying to get comfortable enough to fall asleep.

Another Friday.

I haven't been able to blog at all this morning. So I had to find some time to say something, before I burst. I still have an entire chapter to finish in Latin, and a post test. There is way too much stuff in that class. It used to be so easy, and now.. it just takes way too long to finish.
I decided what I'm buying Patrick for Christmas, after many indecisive weeks. I found the perfect present. I hope he loves it. I went to pick it out last night and everything. I am so excited and I can't wait until it gets here.
Patrick called me last night. I didn't know the number, so I didn't answer it. I listened to the voicemail, which still has my mom's name on it, and it was funny. He said something along the lines of, "Hey Sherry, I was just calling to talk to Ciera. So tell her I said Hi and I'll try to call her tomorrow night. Thanks, you have a FINE night and I'll talk to you later." I was laughing at him, while I was picking out his present.

It's only 10:30am and I just want to go home already. Only an hour and a half left to go. Once I get home, I have to clean clean clean! My car is a mess, and if we are all going to charlotte tonight everyone needs a place to sit. Right now, I don't think even one person could fit in my back seat.

I forgot!

I left Jenny's birthday present in my room. I was going to put it in her car before I leave school today, but I guess I can't now.
When I get home I'm going to take a nap and then go get my check at like 4:30 or something and go cash it. Then I'm going to hang out at Aunt Lena's until Billy calls me to meet him for dinner.
:)

Mmm, mmm, good

Emma and I just returned from the magical machine in the bathroom that spits out s'mores Pop Tarts.
In reality, we just walked to the canteen to buy some. But that sounds so boring. I haven't had a Pop Tart in only God knows how long. It's filled with all this marshmallowy goodness:)

Yesterday, I went to Lowe's Food to buy bananas and milk for work. There were like two lines open, and one of them was Britni's. So I walk through it and the girl at the other line yells, "hey girl!" or something like that. So I said hey and realized it was hailey, but I'm not sure of her last name. She asked me if I still went to South told me she graduated from the middle college last year. And I don't remember seeing her, ever. Haha.

My morning, and my stupidity.

So I went to bed last night to find out that when I woke up this morning my phone went from 4 bars to 2 bars. So now I need to find a plug thing, so I can charge it. Last night I found this picture of Patrick and me on my iPod and uploaded it onto facebook. And I have some cute pictures of me and Brenna when I was playing with her yesterday. :)

This has been my morning:
My phone started vibrating and ringing like there was no end to it. So I looked at the time, it was like 6:45. I rolled over and went back to sleep. At 7:00 my mom called me on the intercom thing. I answered it and said I was up.. Then I crawled back into bed and curled up under my blanket. Two minutes later I got like 4 texts, so I decided that for some awful reason it just wasn't meant for me to still be in bed. So I got out of bed and it was freezing. I turned up my heater and started to find some clothes to wear. I put on some jeans and a tank top I found on my chair. Then I headed upstairs to wash my face and brush my teeth. While my face and hands were covered in soap my butt started vibrating, and "Banana Pancakes" started playing. I said, "Uhhhh. Who is calling me!" But I couldn't answer it, because my face and hands were covered in soap. Then soap got in my eye, because I guess I thought that if I opened my eyes I would know who was calling, haha. But it did nothing besides cause me to get soap in my eye. It turned out to be Aunt Lena. But I was so busy getting ready, since I was late and Austin wanted to stop and get jelly or whatever, I waited to call her back. I brushed my teeth, and went back to my room. My make up was everywhere and I couldn't find what I needed. I was getting annoyed, because I was rushing. I finally got in my car, and this time there was no ice. AND my heat actually worked this morning, of course, when it isn't cold outside.

But, now that I know why Patrick isn't talking to me, I guess I can continue on with my day. Haha.

And when you do read this, and get my 5million emails, I love you. :)

I have to pee. We just ate at buffalos and now austin and i are at rugged wearhouse
Patrick<3

Today, I just want to.

I want to cuddle up in my sweatpants and Patrick's hoodie, with my nice warm, pink blanket and a hot mug of coffee. And I want to sleep all winter, like a bear in hibernation.

Freeform!

That's what my phone is called. I didn't get to successfully post a good blog about it, because I sent the last one from my phone(which only gives me 160 letters to type, and that is not enough for me!) So... this is what it looks like:

I love it. :)

But besides my new phone, I'm feeling a little down. I can't talk to Patrick. He hasn't emailed me.

It's freezing outside! If it's going to be this cold, it at least has to snow. *******Snow Snow Snow Snow Snow******* I just hate that my freakin' heat doesn't work in my car, unless its been on for like 30 minutes, and then when I stop at a light the air gets cold again.

Emma is jealous of my jacket. She might steal it, so I have to wear it all day. Haha. :)

But mine doesn't have a hood on it... I wish it did.

Well, i got this freakin awesome phone so i can update my blog now. I love it.
i miss patrick a lot. Haven't talked to him since yesterday and I feel sad.

Perfect weekend

I got to see Patrick pretty much all weekend. He came over friday and stayed until like 1am. Then he came over Saturday and we went to scarowinds with my family. We cuddled in the back of my van and he slept, while I played Sudoku on my iPod. We walked around Scarowinds with Austin. NOTHING scared Patrick at all. And everything scared me. Not really, just a few things. But still. Then we got hot chocolate and I burnt my tounged, and then got a lesson on how to sip it without burning my tounge, but it didn't help at all. We left and cuddled up again and went to sleep. On Sunday I went to church, with a terrible headache. I came home, ate lunch, and went to sleep until Patrick came over 3 hours into my nap and woke me up. Then he stayed for a while and ate dinner, but then he had to leave. And I won't see him for three weeks.
I feel like such a bum today. I made austin wake up early so I could go to Walmart and buy sweatpants. :)

AND

and this is basically the idea of the kind of tattoo I want, without the feather.
Just birds.
and on the other side of my back. Starting at the bottom of my back and going up, with the birds getting bigger.


and then possibly a Bible verse going up along the birds.

I can't leave!

I'm stuck here until 12. Every Friday, its like I'm held hostage for an hour and 15 minutes, even though I have nothing to do. But hey, at least my schedule for next semester is looking promising.
Latin 2 every day from 8:15 to 9:15.
His 111 from 9:15 to 10:30 on tuesdays and thursdays.
Psy 150 (again, because of my D!) from 9 to 9:50 on mondays, tuesdays, and wednesdays.
Eng 111 from 10 to 10:50 everyday.
Then lunch.
And then possibly an internship. :)
Which means I get to leave at like 12 every day.

I'm so bored. I'm about to just leave, like now. Mrs. Pendley has NOTHING for me to do, so I'm sitting in here by myself blogging and facebooking on my iPod.

I've decided

What I'm going to do.

And hopefully he will like it.

But he has to wait for a while, I still have to buy it and stuff.

:)

I NEED

to get my nails done. They look ugly. And I'm gonna hear how ugly they are from Patrick when he gets home. He comes home today :) I'm EXCITED, haha.
And I can't wait to go to Scarowinds Saturday.

"Would you go with me if we were lost in fields of clover
Would we walk even closer until the trip was over
And would it be okay if I didn't know the way
If I gave you my hand would you take it
And make me the happiest man in the world
If I told you my heart couldn't beat one more minute without you, girl
Would you accompany me to the edge of the sea
Let me know if you're really a dream
I love you so, so would you go with me"

So apparently it was meant for me to hear every Josh Turner song that is on my iPod tonight. I put it on shuffle and all I've gotten out of it is Josh Turner. But thats alright. :)

I miss my boyfriend, still. One more day until I can see him. And then Saturday, SCAROWINDS.

I can't wait to see him, and give him a big hug and kiss. I love you♥

Dr. Oz

Well, Blogger. I just watched like 3 episodes of Dr. Oz. And now I'm convinced that my house is going to kill me. The mold, and whatever else there was, I don't remember. Haha, but I think I'm going to die.

By the way,

I have the cutest boyfriend in the world. :)

this is from his blog.

"Anyway back to my point I wish that I could have came home to see you because you are my world and I miss you. When your not around its like Im walking in the dark and I keep hitting my shin on the same coffee table. I love you"
I love my boyfriend, he's a sweetie. Behind that emotionless front he puts up, there's a heart in there somewhere.

Expectations..

I think you need to lower yours, because I don't know if I want you at my graduation.

So, here's the deal. My dad, who I haven't talked to in like 3 years, said he is going to come to my graduation. He told my Nana that. Who said I was inviting him to come? Not me.

For those of you that don't know the story behind my dad. We haven't talked in so long because he never kept in contact with me. It was only on his time and not about me, basically. After I while, I quit caring and worrying about it. Ignored the rare phone calls. And I haven't had a phone call in a while. My dad is sorry. He doesn't remember my birthday or anything. Never really cared, so why should I care now. I mean, really. It just pisses me off. How hard is it to call your daughter more than once two months. So yeah, 3 years of pretty much no contact. Well actually, none from him. His wife is the one that sends me pictures of Gabby. But thats all she cares about. She doesn't care how I feel at all. Just that Gabby misses her sister. I miss her too. Its hard to do this. I don't want Gabby to be mad at me. But its really awkward after not talking to him for 3 years, its not like I can just call him and say hey. Maybe I'll just send him an invite, see if he shows up, and go from there. I don't know yet. This is really hard.

Yes, I finally found something worth while to complain about.

:) I feel better, I had something in me that was just dying to complain and get out whatever that something was.

stupid white bumps, hmph

Why am I breaking out?

I feel so ugly right now. I think I have found every thing in the world wrong with me today. Or maybe I'm just looking for something to complain about? Because in all honesty, besides being told not to come into work (again), I've had an all-in-all good day. I woke up and was cranky, washed my face and felt much better. Got dressed, didn't do anything in 1st period, and pretty much the same in 2nd. Almost fell asleep in art, and talked to Mooney on Facebook for the majority of math. I came home, took Austin to work, bought stuff for dinner, came home, and ate. Now I'm in my room.

I still miss Patrick a lot. We emailed some today. I can't wait to see him, it feels like forever since we last saw each other or heard each other. I hate it.

I'm almost finished,

with the first task. :)
I downloaded most of the songs, until I fell asleep last night. So today I have to finish the rest of them.

Now I'm thinking about what to get Patrick for Christmas. I think I have an idea, but if he goes buys what I'm thinking about getting him I'm gonna kill him. And I can't tell everyone what I want to get him, to see if its a good idea, because he follows my blog now.

I don't really feel all that well today. I would rather be sleeping. Considering the ridiculous lack of sleep I've had lately. I wish I could talk to Patrick. I haven't really talked to him in over a week. I downloaded some Taking Back Sunday last night. I haven't listen to any of their music in a long time. I was up until like 1 something last night, I literally fell asleep on my computer. My iPod was syncing and made a weird noise and I woke up with my face on the keyboard and my feet hanging off the side of the bed. So I got up to turn my light on to find my hoodie, because I was cold. It was so dark in my room and I tripped over the HUGE pumpkin I bought at Sam's, haha. Mom helped me move these giant pumpkins to get to the ones on the bottom so I could find the perfect pumpkin, and none of them were perfect. So I got the prettiest and biggest one. :) Patrick is going to help me make it pretty this weekend. And hopefully we can go to Scarowinds this weekend too, and have some "us" time :) Because I miss him soooooooooo much.
HAHAHA, I just realized I downloaded Turn My Swag On the Keri Hilson version.
15 minutes left to kill in here. Now I'm listening to Bad Girlfriend- Theory of a Deadman. I don't even like this song, but for some reason I can't help but listen to it, ever since Patrick made me. Hmph. I have like everything in the world on my iPod. Almost 600 songs. I need more though.
What the heck is this song? Rammstein- Du Hast, really? It sounds ridiculous and stupid, Patrick.. I'm deleting it from my iPod. We are NEVER listening to that song in my car. And you're not taking over my music in the car either. Oooh, a Modest Mouse song just came on. I forgot I downloaded that too. I guess thats what happens when I stay up too late. I guess it's almost time to go to English. I really just want to go home now. If anything interesting happens today, I might blog again. But I think this one is long enough.

Awkward

I had an awkward conversation with Wayne today. Haha. It wasn't really all that awkward talking to him about it. Just awkward thinking about it. He randomly asked me how long I though Patrick and I would stay together. I was like, "what?" He asked me again. I told him I didn't know. I mean, how am I supposed to answer that. Then he asked me if I would thought I was going to marry him. I told him I didn't know. It just depends on what happens, I don't want to set myself up to get hurt later on. Thats why I haven't been thinking about that much. I also told him that I think me and Patrick still need to grow closer before I make any kind of decision like that. So he asked me if, based on what I know and how close I am to him now, I would marry him. And I said eventually. Not soon, but eventually, yes. I would like to marry him. He asked me what it would take for me to say yes. If it would be maturity, morals, or anything like that. And I said I think we do need to mature.

I need to stop getting annoying at stupid things, and be a little bit more of a better girlfriend. He needs to stop walking away from his problems, and be more financially stable, and figure out that he can't help everyone in the world all the time.

We don't have the same morals at all. But I can't make him change that, and I don't expect him to, because that wouldn't be him. Just like I'm not changing mine and I hope he doesn't expect me to. We both respect each other, and that's one thing that I love about him is that he does that for me. For example, not drinking in front of me. When we talked about it, I didn't really think he would. But he really did, which made me happy. Just so whoever reads this doesn't think that its only about me, I'm trying to work on some stuff to make our relationship better. I'm working on my communication. It's still a little rocky, but I'm getting better. Mostly because Patrick reads my blog now, so he pretty much has an open door to my feelings.

I don't know what's going to happen later on. Hopefully Patrick will still be in my life. I want him there. I truly love him and I don't want to lose him, ever. And eventually, maybe we will get married, which would be great. But I want to finish school first. Or at least most of it anyway.

But I'm positive that there isn't anyone else for me.

yesh

I went to hickory today with mom. I bought a dress. Its short sleeved and its grey and black leopard, with a big black belt. It is super cute. :) Mom bought me a leopard jacket. I love it, I wish it was cold enough to wear it.

My room needs a really good cleaning, as does my car. I'm going to work on my room shortly, but the car can wait.

So I guess I have really bad PMS because me and mom were talking about it earlier, and before I get my period I'm really mean and cranky and hateful. This is probably when she told me I should never get married earlier this week.

My boobs hurt. And I have cramps, and a headache.

ONE HUNDRED

This is my 100th blog :)

I reached my goal.

I wish I could sleep. I wish I didn't have cramps. I wish I wasn't so lazy so I could get up and get Patrick's hoodie, because I'm cold. And I miss him. I like wearing his stuff.

I LOVE..

how cute you are

your smile

how you never want to let me leave and you keep kissing me so I can't

the way you hold my hand in the car

how you always kiss my hand

how you always tease me and make me laugh

the way you make me feel

the way you make me smile

the feeling I get when I'm around you

how all I ever do is think about you

the cute good morning texts you send me

how you tell me you love me like 200 times

how special you make me feel

the way you love me

that you like to aggravate me, even though I get annoyed sometimes

that you put up with my crankiness and constant need to complain

knowing that I can tell you anything

but most of all, I love you. :)

"It's 4:03 and I can't sleep, without you next to me, I toss and turn like the sea. If I drown tonight, bring me back to life. Breathe your breath in me. The only thing that I still believe in is you, if you only knew."

Well, really its only 2:57. But I can't sleep. And this song came on, and I was thinking about you. So I thought I'd blog.

I brushed out all of the curls from my hair earlier because they were ugly and hard from all the hairspray. Then I recurled my hair. It looks better because it looks softer now. Mom and I are going to hickory tomorrow, I think. And I'm getting my new phone very soon. And best of all, its FREE :) Which means is good news for me, because I'm broke.

I'm so pissed off about work. I need another job, I can't afford to do anything with the hours I'm starting to get. I'm used to my 20 to 24 hour weeks. and now I'm down to maybe 13 hours this week, and thats only if they need me to come in Wednesday. If not, I'm down to 10 hours. I'm never going to get my freaking truck with those hours. I think I'm going to try to get a second job, where I can get at least 2 or 3 days a week, that will give me my normal 20ish hours a week.

I have my period, and it is AWFUL. I came home from church today and I took a nap. When I woke up I had these pains, and I was like nooo I don't think I'm supposed to have this yet. I thought it was just something I ate today. NOPE. Hello monthly gift. Please go away. I think I get the worst cramps in the world. I really need to get something for it, because NOTHING helps it. Ever. I feel like I'm going to die.

Someone asked me about Cody today, and I was like, "We don't talk anymore." He said, "Oh, I didn't know that." Then his wife, the funniest woman in the world, said, "Oh, he's my friend on Facebook!" So I told her he blocked me from Facebook, and she was like, "No he didn't" with an attitude. It was funny. Then I started thinking about things. About how happy I am, compared to before. And how much better I feel about everything, especially myself.

Patrick doesn't make me feel the way I did before. He doesn't make me feel like I'm not good enough, or pretty enough, or anything like that. He makes me feel like I'm the prettiest girl in the world. He makes me feel happy. He makes me feel like I'm more than good enough.

I wish I could tell you how much I love you. Its a whole lot.

Jenny's birthday!!

is today! and she's 18 :)

We had a blast last night. We got all dolled up and went to eat at O'Charley's. I'm trying to figure out why so many guys flirt with her when we go out and not me. It kind of pisses me off. Haha. They talk to me, but just to ask me about her. I mean, its not like I want them to, I'd just tell them I had a boyfriend anyway. But damn, every time we go out she gets hit on. And I'm like the freakin' messenger that tells them she's not available. I'm buying her an "ugly" mask. We can't go anywhere. I guess I attract the trashy guys. Because after we ate, we went to the mall. We changed out of our dresses of course. I put on ripped jeans, a cute twilight t-shirt I bought that says "I love my boyfriend", a grey and white zebra sweater, and boots. We walk in the mall and they have these temporary tattoos and Jenny wanted one, so we both ended up getting one. She got a playboy bunny on her wrist, and I got bats on the right side of my lower back. So the guy doing it for me grabbed my butt. Which pissed me off bad. Then he tried to charge me 30 bucks for it. I was like "I'm not paying 30 for that. You have to be kidding me. That's freakin' ridiculous." So I paid like 10 for it. I wasn't giving that nasty ass $30, it wasn't worth it anyway, but mostly because he grabbed my butt, he's lucky I didn't punch him in the freakin' mouth. After that we walked off and I had to hold my shirt up in the back a little so it could dry, and this ghetto looking boy starts following me and another guy asked where he was going and he said, "I'm following her, look at that." So I turned around and he is following me staring at my butt. I gave him a "go to hell" look and he stopped and turned around. Nasty guys piss me off. I hate them. After all of that excitement, we went to the Octoberfest and I ran into my old best friend, Michael. We talked a little and took some pictures. I miss Michael. We were such good friends, and thats the first time I've talked to him in a long time. But now he has my number, so he doesn't have an excuse for not texting me.

I really miss Patrick. A whole lot. I miss talking to him and hearing him, and I hate that he has to be so far away.

"I've been spendin all my time thinkin bout you. I don't know what to do, i think i'm fallin for you" every song on jenny's cd makes me think of you. :)

I feel amazing. I'm all dressed up, hair curled, and night makeup. :)

i just miss my boyfriend.

And I can't see him until NEXT weekend. I'm really sad. He needs to stop spending so much money, and start saving more. So when stuff like this happens, he can still come home. Or just to have some extra money for anything. Geez. I think he deserves a punch right now. Because ALL day, until like 4pm, My day was awful. I left my house and went to Granite to get some gas. I got to the gas station and realized I left my damn wallet in my mom's van. So I had to drive all the freaking way home with no gas in my car at all and then pay like 10 cents more at Ingles. I was so pissed. I cussed at everyone and everything on the way home. Especially the people that were driving slow and making me waste time, while I was trying not to run out of gas. Then I went to my mentors house and we did some stuff. I left there and went to Aunt Lena's to chat. So while I'm having this awful stressful day of every little thing going wrong, I am thinking about how I am going to see Patrick tonight, so my bad day isn't really that bad. Well, I found out that he isn't coming home and then I had to go to work. And it was that much worse knowing that I wasn't going to get to see him when I got off work. I was sad. So on my way home from work I passed a freakin' cop and I was going like 60 in a 45. I didn't even realize how fast I was going because I was thinking. And I could have sworn I saw his car move, but he never came after me. I would have died.

But I got home and I came in my room and found a box my grandparents sent me. They spoil me so much. They got me a hot pink hoodie from Nova Scotia and a Bar Harbor, Maine shirt while they were on their cruise. AND I found a plastic back with pictures and an envelope in it. I looked at the pictures and then opened the envelope with my name on it. I was expecting a note or like 15 bucks. Much to my surprise, there was $140 in it! I though I saw it wrong so I had to recount. So that money is going in my savings. Mom is going to work on getting my car sold, and I have to clean it out this weekend. I don't know what I'm going to drive between the time and sell it and the time I buy a truck. I think she is going to help me buy a truck too, and I'll have to pay her back monthly or whatever. But I don't know yet. Depends on if she can afford it or not.

I really need to go to bed. I have to take the SAT in like 7 hours. So, Goodnight.

:(

I'm cranky.
Just like this little girl.

I am mad, mean, and hateful.

I want to go to sleep forever and ever.

I want to get my nails done, but nope, they're closed.

I don't want to go to the freaking movies in Lenoir either.

I want to go to hickory, so I can get a Rita's ice.

I don't even want to watch a movie.

I need to get a shower.

That is all I want.

Hmph.

I feel like

one of those people that can never make a decision, ever.

the rest of my life..

is going down hill. As of right now, I'm a stressed out seventeen year old who has no clue what she wants to do with her life anymore. I don't know if I really want to be a physical therapist forever. Why can't this be easy? I thought I knew exactly what I wanted, but now that everyone is telling me I need to decide, I'm not so sure anymore. I don't know what I want. I don't want to have a job where I'm stuck in an office, or even in a building full of offices. I don't want to work in a hospital. I don't want to do anything that requires me to touch needles or give people shots. I want to be able to move, and not worry about having trouble finding that job somewhere else. I don't want to be a teacher, I hate kids. I like little little kids, but I wouldn't want to teach them.

If I had to choose one job I would want it to be something with animals. And the vet thing is looking better and better. I've always wanted to do that.

I don't know what to do! I just want to crawl into a hole and not have to worry about this stuff.

i haven't blogged all day

Patrick called me last night for a few minutes. I was happy. I don't like when I can't talk to him. He told me about losing his key and all this other fun stuff he did. Actually he sounded awful, he said he was dehydrated and worked hard all day. For once, hahaha.
I bought Jenny a birthday present and stopped by TCBY yesterday to get my hours and stuff.

I get paid today, so tomorrow I might go get my nails done and get my eyebrows waxed because I really need to.

Day two

without talking to Patrick.
hmmm...

I'm waiting for Rob to pick Brenna up.
She is so funny. She just walked down the hallway and came back to where I could see her and says "byeee" and waved at me. Then she walked where I couldn't see her and yelled "byeeee" and I'm pretty sure she was waving. It is so cute. When Rob picks her up, I'm going to Lenoir. I still have to buy Jenny a birthday present and I might get some TCBY yogurt, depending on what No sugar added flavors we have today. I don't really want anything with a bunch of sugar in it today, and I'll feel better about it. And I need to see when we get paid and what my hours are this week.

All I Want

is to talk to my boyfriend :(

I miss him. And I love him. I hope he knows that.

But I think I've done enough blogging for today. I need to clean my room and straighten my hair.

But, on a serious note

I miss Patrick. I hate when he has to leave. I wish he could stay here all the time or I could go with him.

BRIAN!

has a hickey!
hahahaha.









and everyone keeps saying no to andrea! They need to stop it, now.

Its been over 24 hours..

And I've lived without my phone. So I guess I can make it until I get it back. I guess Patrick's phone got cut off. I sent him a thing from gmail and he never answered. So idk!? I just wish I could talk to him. I hate rainy days. They suck. I'm wearing Patrick's hoodie, its warm and I love it. I'm so sleepy, and I'm ready to go home. I wish I could skip math, but I missed a day last week, so I need to go.

Needles!

I hate needles! This movie is on my tv. Its called Autopsy and this guy just stuck a needle in this girl's back and took this fluid out of her back. Then he mixed it with something and drank it. I felt sick when it showed the needle going into her skin and I couldn't watch it. I could barely watch the pain on her face. I feel nauseous now. Yuck.

So...

I know I shouldn't have lied. So I guess its my fault that I don't have a phone. Weare going to look at getting a new phone for me and austin tomorrow maybe? But even if we do get them, I probably won't get to use mine for a a few weeks. So no more texting, maybe that will slow down the carpel tunnel I'll more than likely develop in my thumbs. haha.

I really want a limeade. I might stop by sonic and get one before work. But idk. I found a cute dress last night. Its short, red, and strapless. It has a black belt around it with cherries on it, its really cute. I can't wait to wear it on Saturday.

No phone?!

I don't have a phone. I got in trouble and now it's gone.
It all started with my evening I planned with Patrick. We went to the mall, ate, and shopped. I tried on dresses and finally found one that was cute and affordable. Then we went to watch Zombieland. When that was over, we headed over to coffee house. Everything was fine until we left and went to Patrick's house to hang out for like a little bit. Then mom called and I told her I was still at coffee house and was gonna take patrick home and leave. Well I got caught in a STUPID little lie, and now I don't have a phone and I feel isolated from the rest of the world. I might just die, or kill myself one. I can't talk to Jenny or Patrick. Or anyone else for that matter. This is gonna be a sucky week. I wish someone would be kind enough to kill me.

I STILL

haven't gotten out everything I'm thinking yet, sorry.

I'm eating fudge stripes cookies. I ate healthy yesterday, So a few of these little cookies aren't going to kill me. I had a salad for dinner, and I had some soup for lunch, and a slim fast for breakfast.

Since I blogged about Jenny, I feel like I should blog about Patrick too :) I miss him a whole lot.


He's my other best friend, and boyfriend. He is cute and funny and even though no one else likes him or thinks he's for me, I think he is perfect for me. He makes me happy. I like being with him and talking to him. I like holding his hand, thats my favorite thing in the world. I like driving his jeep, and asking him if I can, even though I know I'll get my way. I like looking at him, and making him smile, and tickling him even though he always gets mad at me when I do. I like teasing him. He's a sweetheart. I hate how when we argue about something, he is usually right. One day I am going to be right about something. And I hate how he laughs at me when I get excited about stuff and I ask him why he is laughing, and he says that its cute how excited I get over little things. And I still haven't figured out why he thinks I sound cute when he calls me and wakes me up from my rare naps that I never get to take.
I still feel awful about how long it took me to give him a chance, I could have been so much happier a year ago when I was still with douchebag and I knew I wasn't happy and being with Patrick was the only reason I felt any happiness at all last year. He didn't make me feel bad about myself, or get mad at me for stupid things and yell at me, or tried to tell me what to do. I really wish I could take that back. The whole time I wouldn't break up with douchebag, I felt like I was hurting him and I wanted to be with him so much. I just couldn't bring myself to let go of what I had been so used to. But I'm glad I finally did, and now I'm really happy. I love him more than anything. I just wish I would have realized that a long time ago.

My best friend

This is my best friend, Jenny.

Last night, her dad came to my house and talked FOREVER. He was trying to get my step dad to sell him our little black truck. And when they talk to eachother, you would swear they were 500 feet away from eachother, because they pretty much yell. I sat in the kitchen with mom while she tried to read my paper and fix stuff in it. But she could barely concentrate because of their big mouths. It seriously sounded like we were in a movie theater or something. I'm glad I wasn't trying to sleep or anything.

So, at like 11 last night I got in bed hoping to be able to fall asleep. Well my phone vibrated and it was Jenny. I figured it was something important, since she was inturrupting my sleeping. I open my phone and it says, "I'M GETTING A PUPPY!" I was like wth? she really just text me to tell me she's getting a puppy while I'm sleeping. Then I remember she doesn't go to sleep until like 12 or 1. So why should she let me go to sleep early.. haha. Then we started talking about how I want to move out next year, and how I'm gonna get the money.... Prositution maybe? lol. Then we talked about Patrick. And then I finally got sick of texting and wanted to sleep, so I just didn't text her back. I need to text her now and tell her I "fell asleep".

We have been best friends since the summer before 7th grade. My mom and I just moved in with Jody, and she forced me to walk down to Jenny's house and talk to her. So I walked down there, knocked on her door, and said, "Hi, I'm Ciera. I just moved here. :)" And she told me her name and that she and her sisters used to play with Austin and Jordan all the time, until they got weird and annoying. And we've been best friends ever since. She even remembers what I was wearing that day. We have been through so much together. Boys, family problems, more boy problems (mostly hers), stupid fake friends we had, secrets, first everythings. I remember getting my first kiss on the 4th of July, and as soon as I got home I opened the door and said, "mom, I'm going to Jenny's" and went to her house and told her. And everytime one of us is upset, we make green tea and get some cookie dough. And now I make Jenny corndogs everytime she's at my house, usually around 3 in the morning while she does my hair. And soon she will be learning how to cut hair and all that good stuff, which means I won't have to pay someone to cut my hair for me, I'll just make her do it.

To sum it up, I love Jenny and she is my best friend forever :)

Coffee

is my best friend this morning. I'm so sleepy. Of course, I had another almost sleepless night. I'm so sick of this. I just want to sleep! And good, not the kind of sleep that I usually have where I roll around and keep waking up.
Emma isn't here today, so I guess I'm on my own the shitload of latin we have left to do. Because we did NOTHING this week, besides blog and email. I probably won't do anything today either. Maybe this weekend I'll work on it... Nah.
I have to pee really bad, to the point that it hurts...I'll be right back.
.........................................................
....................... and I'm back. Now I can blog to my full potential. :)
I hit my head on the corner of a rail last night when I was walking down my steps. I though I busted my head open, but it was just really red.. no blood or anything awful. My mom told me the area around my eye looked weird, like someone punched me or I hit my face on something. And I called my Pop Pop and Grammie last night. They told me all about their cruise and how much fun the had and everything they ate, and they even bought me a hoodie. They are sending out today, along with some extra money for me. They spoil me too much. AND next summer they are taking me on a cruise. I told mom to tell them that they should let Jenny come with us too, since she's my best friend and our overprotective parents won't let us go to the beach for senior week, and we are probably going to be too broke to go on our Gatlinburg trip we've been planning on for a year now.
After school today I'm going to get my hair cut. Then mom is going to meet me and we are going to curves to get membership for me. Then I have to work tonight. Patrick is coming home today! I can't wait. Even though I won't get to hang out with him since I'll be working. And obviously the coffee worked, I feel like a big ball of energy right now.

No sleep

Again. I haven't slept well in a few days. Last night was the worst. I was up until 3 or so. After I stopped crying I was rolling around and trying to get comfortable so that I could actually fall asleep. This took like two hours. I woke up and my eyes were swollen, and they kind of hurt. I got out of bed, after 20 minutes of mom repeatedly calling my cell phone to wake me up, and went upstairs to wash my face and brush my teeth. I really didn't want to wear jeans, but I couldn't find any sweatpants. So I finally found a pair of Austin's Hudson Middle School Track sweatpants and put them on. We got to school and he was like "Hey, your wearing my pants. Don't you have your own sweatpants?" I laughed at him and told him I didn't. Now I'm in here. I don't feel too well. I think I'm getting sick. And I sneezed like 20 times this morning...