Awkward

I had an awkward conversation with Wayne today. Haha. It wasn't really all that awkward talking to him about it. Just awkward thinking about it. He randomly asked me how long I though Patrick and I would stay together. I was like, "what?" He asked me again. I told him I didn't know. I mean, how am I supposed to answer that. Then he asked me if I would thought I was going to marry him. I told him I didn't know. It just depends on what happens, I don't want to set myself up to get hurt later on. Thats why I haven't been thinking about that much. I also told him that I think me and Patrick still need to grow closer before I make any kind of decision like that. So he asked me if, based on what I know and how close I am to him now, I would marry him. And I said eventually. Not soon, but eventually, yes. I would like to marry him. He asked me what it would take for me to say yes. If it would be maturity, morals, or anything like that. And I said I think we do need to mature.

I need to stop getting annoying at stupid things, and be a little bit more of a better girlfriend. He needs to stop walking away from his problems, and be more financially stable, and figure out that he can't help everyone in the world all the time.

We don't have the same morals at all. But I can't make him change that, and I don't expect him to, because that wouldn't be him. Just like I'm not changing mine and I hope he doesn't expect me to. We both respect each other, and that's one thing that I love about him is that he does that for me. For example, not drinking in front of me. When we talked about it, I didn't really think he would. But he really did, which made me happy. Just so whoever reads this doesn't think that its only about me, I'm trying to work on some stuff to make our relationship better. I'm working on my communication. It's still a little rocky, but I'm getting better. Mostly because Patrick reads my blog now, so he pretty much has an open door to my feelings.

I don't know what's going to happen later on. Hopefully Patrick will still be in my life. I want him there. I truly love him and I don't want to lose him, ever. And eventually, maybe we will get married, which would be great. But I want to finish school first. Or at least most of it anyway.

But I'm positive that there isn't anyone else for me.