I need someone

I want to this freakin' working out thing to work now. I want to be thinner and healthier. I want my body to shrink now! I feel so bad about myself today. I could just cry today. I emailed Patrick earlier. Then we talked on Gmail chat for a few minutes, but he just signed off. Then my mom told me he was on Facebook, so I got my computer and Facebook would not work on my computer, or Jody's, and I finally got it to work on my mom's. I IMed him and said, "hey." He told me it was bad timing and that he had to go. I just wanted to cry. I miss talking to him so much. I miss seeing him. I miss holding his hand. I miss kissing him. I miss him making me laugh. I miss everything.... and its only been a week. I can't even begin to imagine how the next 8 months are going to be. I'm not saying I can't make it for that long. I can, it is just going to be very lonely and very hard. I honestly don't even want to be around anyone. My chest is starting to hurt, I need to quit worrying. I want to stay in my room and lay in bed. But I know that I can't do that, and this work out thing.. I need to do this. Mostly for me, to make myself feel better about me and my body.

Something that makes me feel better is that I don't have to sleep alone tonight. This afternoon Austin and Jordan were outside and their mom found this dog, so they brought it to the house. She is so sweet. I gave her a bath and everything. She smells so pretty now. She is laying in bed with me sleeping. We are calling her Maddie. I love her already. Jody thinks she might be someone's dog, so if she is we obviously can't keep her. I really hope she is just a stray though, because I want to keep her more than anything. I need someone to keep my company until August.

I feel like I'm going to cry, but I'm trying not because I know I won't be able to stop.