Patirick

I've been thinking about him all night. Seriously, like all night. I went to the movies with Austin and didn't even pay attention to the movie. I just kept thinking about Patrick, and how much I miss him. I'm debating on whether or not I should let him read my blog. He's my best friend. And I put all of my feelings on here usually. So I think I should let him read it. I feel really weird doing that though. I don't usually like people I'm really close to knowing how I feel about things that I don't tell them. I have a problem telling people how I feel too. A BIG problem with that. It isn't that I don't want to tell him how I feel about everything, its just really hard for me to do. I can't just open up about stuff. When I try I don't know how to put it into words, and then I feel self conscious about what I'm saying, afraid that it's wrong or that its not really what I was feeling at all, like I can't find the right words to tell someone exactly how I feel.

I can't sleep. So much stuff is going through my head right now. This is one of those moments when I wish Patrick was here with me, so that he could put his arms around me and kiss my face and tell me to stop crying and make me laugh. But its not :/ no matter how much I try to imagine him sitting here with me, it doesn't do any good.