Empty?

I feel like I'm the person in this jacket.

Empty and Lonely.

Like something is missing. And like always, I try to fix that with something. That something used to be food, but lately that hasn't worked either. I'm not even hungry, I think if I tried to eat I would just throw it up. So this time I shopped. I bought food, that I didn't even eat. I bought a sweater because the lady at the store picked it out for me and said she liked it on me. That made me feel good, so I bought it. I bought a necklace with silver and teal hearts for $3.00, and a pair of sunglasses. So basically an entire outfit. Minus the pants and shoes... and underwear and bra and socks.

I miss Patrick.. more than ever. He won't be back until December 13th, and I hate it. And a few weeks later he leaves again, forever. Well it might as well be forever. I am dreading it. I just want him to stay here, where I can see him, and touch him, and talk to him.

And even though I'm dreading all of this. I don't feel much except for emptiness. I think I'm slowly becoming emotionally numb. Because nothing seems to bother me anymore. I never cry anymore, even when I think I'm in a situation where I should probably cry or at least feel some sort of sadness or remorse. I don't feel like the same me that I'm used to. I feel different. I act differently. I think differently. I talk differently. I've changed a lot. I'm not sure if I like it or not.