I decided that I am going to start reading real stuff, instead of all the fiction crap I read. Maybe I can learn something, and not feel so dumb all the time.
It's this woman's, Rhonda Cornum, story about how she went to Iraq, was in a helicopter crash, and was captured.
It's scary. And I probably shouldn't be reading it, because it is really making me feel worse about Patrick leaving.
I remember when he first told me he was leaving. I guess it didn't really click then. I mean, I understood everything. It just didn't really hit me, like its starting too now. I didn't get really upset when he told me. I was more shocked and I didn't really know what to say, at all. Now it seems like I just want to cry and I can't sleep. Worse than usual. I seriously stay up all night, and just lay here. Its awful. I have headaches all the time because of not sleeping. My eyes hurt. My body feels awful, like something isn't right with it, probably due to no sleep. I feel awful in general. I wish I could sleep. I wish Patrick could be here, holding my hand and playing with my hair until I fall asleep.
I have decided that if I'm going to put myself through this, and deal with being lonely all the time, I'm only doing it if I am as serious about this as I think I am. I want to be with Patrick. He makes me happy and he's my best friend. If I didn't think I was going to stay with him, I wouldn't do this. Because its not fun, and its really hard. I'm not even going through the really hard parts yet, and its hard. I haven't talked to him in a few days, and I probably won't for the rest of the month. Still waiting on that address. I have two letters written already. That's probably kind of crazy, its been like two or three days.
I really think I need to get some sleep now. Or at least try. Today has been so crazy, and very overwhelming.
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