I don't write these blogs for any other intention than to make myself feel better. The other day Patrick told me that sometimes my blogs make him feel bad. Besides me not wanting him to know how I feel about everything, that is the other reason I didn't want him to read it. I don't want him to ever feel bad, because of something I feel. Because usually he can't fix it anyway.

I want him to be happy. Even if that means he has to be far away from me. Yeah, being lonely sucks. But the feeling I have when I am with him is the best thing in the world and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. I can handle the loneliness, I think.

It hasn't been anything too rough yet, but the worst is yet to come I guess.

But I still miss him more than anything in the world.